After the incident, she only remembers a vague "Mi-kun" who saved her. That became her truth.
Therefore, Mayu shouldn't be able to explain how her parents died.
"...Liar."
It's an unjust accusation.
"Are you mocking yourself?"
"What are you talking about? I'm as honest as a dog named Pochi who barks 'dig here' and then gets mad when told to dig himself. There's nothing to mock."
Lately, I sometimes don't understand what I'm saying. Is it the onset of early-onset dementia? Nagatsuki-san, who was playing with my hair, now touches the bandage wrapped around my arm. The wound doesn't hurt, but it's itchy. However, scratching is prohibited. It's a kind of torture.
"If you had been ten minutes later, the doctor said the probability of bleeding to death would have increased by fifty percent."
"Oh, I don't have any money."
I throw out a defensive jest, anticipating a demand as repayment for the favor. Nagatsuki-san, seemingly unoffended, continues.
"Dr. Koinichi grumbled, but it seems like you, Mi-san, just like recent shonen manga, miraculously survive even when you should have been killed."
"Well, that's one of my traits... Is that a complaint?"
"Hehehe."
It's not funny.
I wanted to hold my forehead, but my right arm is being used as a pillow for Mayu. Helplessly, I could only exhale a carbon-dioxide-filled breath.
"...I really don't die."
I thought I was dead, but I lived. This is the third time. In my childhood, I was hit in the head with a metal bat. In my teens, I jumped off the roof of a department store. In my growth years, I was slashed while fighting a young murderer.
I continued living, being protected by others. Twice. The siblings, too young to understand, falsely offered to help, and then another instance. Eight years ago, when a confused "Ma-chan" attacked me, I was saved by my younger sister's mother. She embraced me, shielding me like she would protect a fetus, hugging me. I felt the sensation of blades piercing through her and into me. I couldn't say anything, react, or see. I just trembled. My sister's mother held my back and patted it, like comforting a child. Because she was a mother. Tears dripped, and words spilled: "Not because of some obligation, but I'm sorry." I understood her reason for saving me a month later.
Even when Mayu collapsed from exhaustion, the mother held me. She was dead. Even though I understood, I couldn't move. She continued to hold me. For once, she became my mother.
"Villains who are hard to hate tend to survive till the end."
Although internally conflicted, I respond cheerfully. Am I lying to myself too?
Nagatsuki-san simply says, "Is that so?" and lets her deep black eyes do the talking. A clear, straightforward gaze. Faces of dolls and humans are shaped by human will, and smiles are the same.
"Koinichi will understand."
"It sounds so proverbial."
My tease is ignored.
"Mi-san is like a moth."
"Is it okay if I'm hurt?"
Moths, huh? Butterflies or curly hair or even phantom thieves would be better, but moths?
"I don't know the meaning. Maybe it's some animal fortune-telling?"
"Ah, I see."
I'm convinced. If there are many like me, being a moth is okay. Maybe I'll form a gang.
"Mi-san."
"What now? Is it about the American egret?"
With a radiant smile, as if a reunited lover, Nagatsuki-san says, "I believed in you."
"Liar, you vixen."
"Recently, there's a record of you being treated like a criminal, chasing after a fleeing chicken with a sword."
"Ah, I just said Sugawara-kun was the culprit. You just assumed I was talking about you, Mi-san. You're too sensitive."
She playfully taps my shoulder with the vigor of saying "You're such a tease." That's the spirit of a sore loser.
If I had been the culprit, she'd say, "I believed Mi-san was the culprit."
Well, it's okay. With this, the sins of Mayu and I are forgiven.
"Really, Mi-san is so cute."
"Thank you."
"Just like a child close to your age."
"I'm not that young!"
No matter how young I look, I can't be compared to my real age. However, the youth's claims were ignored.
"Rather, twins."
"Too wrapped up in illusions!"
The young boy's scream ended as his throat was crushed by a hellish strike. He died.
"Surely, Koinichi felt the same."
"That's why, ... ...ugh."
From my back, I heard a familiar waking sound. I could feel cold sweat beginning to form at my pores. Slower than the oscillation of an old fan, I turned to face behind.
"Mi-kun..."
She rubbed her eyes to confirm my face. Why? Normally, she wouldn't wake up for about three hours. Was it because of the conversation using exclamation marks? What freedom of speech is there if even punctuation is not allowed? I need to give Nagatsuki-san a red card and send her off immediately.
"Nat...ugh."
It was too late. Realizing it was hopeless, regret filled me, and I bit my lip.
Mayu woke up.
She sucked up the drool that had dripped onto the pillow. Ah, she looked serious. She's staring at the packing woman on my back. Any moment now, a vein might pop on her forehead, and she might shout "APAKA!" and shatter her jaw with a punch. This time, I might really be dead. And the cause? A false accusation. It's so unfair! But it felt fitting. Being killed for a lie feels too contrived.
"Namaste," I muttered in resignation when a saving remark was offered in a gentle voice.
"It's been a while, Ma-chan."
Hearing that, I realized this person knew everything.
Mayu's eyes widened. She compared me to Nagatsuki-san. She ran her beautiful brain, as beautiful as white sesame seeds, at full throttle and arrived at a shocking conclusion.
"There are two Mi-kuns!"
"......No, no."
A modest denial. I value my life. But, it's intriguing.
For Mayu to recognize me, or anyone, as Mi-kun, there was a key component. Something anyone could use, but only I employed. The name Nagatsuki-san just used, "Ma-chan." Both "Mi-kun" and "Ma-chan" serve as two keys. So, anyone called "Ma-chan" could become "Mi-kun."
"Mi-kun is one, Mi-kun is two, Mi-kun is three... oh no."
It was like witnessing hell. I get it; if there were three Nagatsuki-sans, I'd knock two of them out too.
"It's a dream, just a dream."
Mayu tried to escape into another layer of dream and fell asleep. The danger passed, and my cold sweat receded in relief.
"Mi-kun is superficial," she said in a gentle but sharp tone without turning to face me. I retorted, "Only now you noticed?"
"Because it's now, I noticed."
It sounded cool.
"Will you continue living as Mi-kun?"
She asked casually, as if asking about plans after a lunch date.
"I'm... considering it."
I responded with the gravitas of a grandmaster chess player before a title defense.
"It's a blessing to be able to think about it."
With that as her last congratulatory remark, the sound of snoring began from behind. Can hospital beds really offer such deep sleep? To me, who only knew lying down as a patient and had no experience as a visitor, the feelings of visitors were unknown. I lay on my back. Whether in the past or recently, the ceiling always seemed unnecessarily whitened.
I thought of what I should do next.
It was the end of autumn in my second year of high school. A bit early, but let's think about choosing a career path. I wanted to be a creature with a broken heart but with a will. I believed that was my happiness. But, it was impossible.
If I had become such a thing, I wouldn't have thought of saving Mayu in the first place.
...It's half-hearted.
I've dug underground, reaching a point where I can't see the sky. But I've hit a dead end. The next layer is distinctly different, so hard that I can't even pierce it with a shovel. Is it the boundary between things and beings, or an unexpected part?
Digging aimlessly, I've lost my footing and can't return to the common ground.
And after lingering there for too long, I've become an entity that fears the light.
Now, what should I do?
Where should I go from here?
Should I return to being 'boku', or continue being 'boku'?